Audience and Genre: Adult - drama/suspence
Logline Davy is confronted by his past when a true-crime series forces him to relieve the summer of 1974. As his aging mind tries to cope with painful memoires he tries to keep the one secret that will tear the town and his family apart.
Entry
Winter 2024
It must be Sunday; Junior always comes over on Sundays. I suppose he’s a dutiful son, checking in on his aging father, but his presence only reminds me of her. Four years later, every thought of my wife is a fresh wound, the kind of festering pustule that leads to sepsis. I can barely look at him.
Still, I put on a brave face for my grandson, Timmy. Kids are easy to fool; they only look on the surface of things. If something is shiny, it’s new; add a little dirt, it’s old. Put on a smile, everything is okay; frown a little, and something’s wrong.
A sharp December wind blows through the house. Junior fumbles a hat and gloves onto Timmy, who squeals with delight before exiting into the freshly fallen snow. “That kid would forget his head if it wasn’t attached.” Junior closes the door, then nudges a rolled-up towel against the frame. This old farm house, like myself, is falling apart at the seams.
“Like father like son.” I sink into my recliner; a wet cough works its way through my lungs.
“Dad, let me take you to the doctor.” Junior moves toward me.
I stop him in his tracks. “I’ll be fine. I’m probably just hoarse from yellin’ after your boy. ‘Sides, they just keep making up all these new flus.”
His smile fades as his dirty blonde hair drifts into his eyes. “Dad…”
“You know what I mean, those shots don’t do nothing anyways.”
“Yeah, it’s just some great conspiracy, regular check-ups to make us sick so we keep going back for more. Doctors are just drug-dealers in fancy white coats.”
I lean forward and wag my finger at him—pain radiates up my wrist. “I don’t need you doting on me like some wounded puppy you picked up on the side of the road. I been taking care of myself just fine, and I’ll continue to do that until the Lord takes me home.”
Junior gives me a healthy eye-roll before moving to the sofa, snatching my remote, and trying to become one with the cushion.
I try and shift the attention off myself. “How’s that ex-wife of yours?”
“I believe her last words were, ‘I’m glad we split up before Timmy got used to the idea of us being together.’”
“She always was the practical one.”
“It’s pronounced: heartless bitch.” Junior returns to the television.
The static of relentless scrolling replaces the tension between us. “Would you stop flipping the channels and pick something?”
“There’s nothing on.”
“What’s new? Why don’t you try that thing you got me, the rain thing or whatever?”
Junior stifles a laugh. “The cloud?”
“Oh, whatever. I only got it for when you stop by. I’m not much for television.”
He rolls his eyes. “Right, Dad. Let’s look at your browsing history; westerns, news, talk shows… some R-rated movies? Yeah, this thing never gets used.”
He always was a nosey one. “Shut up and pick a show already.”
“How about we try something that won’t rot your brain more than it already is.”
“Bah!” I swat in his direction—he gets it honest.
“Hey, look. Here’s something interesting.”
“What is it? I can’t read that small print.”
“Where are your readers?”
“Just tell me, already.”
He sighs. “A true crime series, about this city of all places.”
CRITIQUE INSTRUCTIONS:
Your RC1 critique has two parts: The Story Score rubric and a written review.
For the rubric below, give a gut-level reaction to each question: 1 means it reads like a first draft. 3 means it’s good, but not something you’d remember. 5 means it reads like a book from the bookstore shelf. For more info on how to use the rubric, remove the “dot” and type the following into your browser: readychapter1 dot com/critique-guidelines/
For your written review, reply to the post. Your reply should include something positive, something to work on, and should be at least 75 words long.
- The author’s Voice is confident and compelling. I’m sucked in to the story.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- The Characters feel distinct, complex, and relatable. I care about what happens to them.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- I sense that the Plot is headed somewhere intriguing, and I’m curious as to what happens next.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- Well-crafted Dialogue/Non-verbal Communication adds personality to the story. I’m intrigued by how the characters talk, think, and interact.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- Descriptions are vivid and detailed. Whether the world is real or imaginary, it feels like I’m really there.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
