Shakespeare's Final Sonnet

Aug Pro Agent Challenge (NOW CLOSED)
,
1

Audience and Genre: Adult Mystery

Logline A visiting professor accidentally discovers an original Shakespearian manuscript, but written after Shakespeare’s death. Trapped inside a creepy manor house, he must determine whether it is real or fake.

Entry

It was the most well-attended meeting of the Oxford University Shakespeare Society in recent memory. An absence of new initiatives had caused the monthly gatherings to shrivel down to a core group of five, but today there were already at least fifteen people crammed into the small common room, and more kept coming.

A cheerful host with curly blond hair and freckles across his nose stepped over a phalanx of outstretched legs to fill the kettle one more time. “There’s instant coffee or Earl Grey tea, with or without milk,” he called out, as he tilted the well-loved appliance under the cold tap and let the water flow. “Sugar but no sweetener. No soft drinks, no drip coffee and definitely no espresso. The winner can take us all to Costa’s.”

As the only staff member present, Alan Mulrooney at least had one of the two desks in the cramped space. But he wasn’t especially relishing what was to come. He’d weakly protested the assignment, claiming that as an American he was not well qualified to judge a Shakespeare competition, but the dean was having none of it. “That will assure your neutrality,” had been the curt assessment. “Plus, you may learn something. You can’t spend a year studying Elizabethan England without a healthy dose of the immortal bard.”

Alan lifted his chair and placed it with the back towards the desk, so he could survey the entire room. It appeared that everyone had found a space on or around the available furniture, most of them within an arm’s stretch of the coffee table, laden with a kaleidoscopic assortment of mugs. Alan rapped a spoon against his own one-of-a-kind creation. “Okay everyone, let’s get started.”

The chatter subsided instantly, and an array of expectant faces turned towards him.

Alan cleared his throat. “First things first. Please turn off your phones. Not silent mode, not vibrate only, but physically off. Anyone caught with a functioning device will face a lifetime ban from the society.”

The rules had been well publicized in advance, so most of the students didn’t react. A young man crammed at the edge of the couch hoisted himself off the cushion to retrieve a phone from his rear jeans pocket, pressed a button and gave a confirmatory thumbs-up.

“As you all know, the winner tonight will be rewarded with a yearslong sabbatical at Fullington university in Virginia, to study the colonial overreach that triggered the revolutionary war.” Alan checked his notes. “Due to a generous grant, this will include airfare, tuition, full board, and two hundred dollars a month of spending money.”

“Professor, I have a question.” Alan recognized the man instantly. Wearing a natty jacket, and with his brown hair immaculately parted, Michael Spaulding was a prolific and insufferable questioner during Alan’s lectures. He had an air that he already knew more than the person teaching the course, and wanted everyone else to appreciate that. Especially the females.

“Yes Michael, what is it?” Alan feared some esoteric question about the court of King George, designed to stump him.

“Is it true that Virginia is for lovers?”

CRITIQUE INSTRUCTIONS:
Your RC1 critique has two parts: The Story Score rubric and a written review.

For the rubric below, give a gut-level reaction to each question: 1 means it reads like a first draft. 3 means it’s good, but not something you’d remember. 5 means it reads like a book from the bookstore shelf. For more info on how to use the rubric, remove the “dot” and type the following into your browser: readychapter1 dot com/critique-guidelines/

For your written review, reply to the post. Your reply should include something positive, something to work on, and should be at least 75 words long.

  1. The author’s Voice is confident and compelling. I’m sucked in to the story.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
0 scores
  1. The Characters feel distinct, complex, and relatable. I care about what happens to them.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
0 scores
  1. I sense that the Plot is headed somewhere intriguing, and I’m curious as to what happens next.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
0 scores
  1. Well-crafted Dialogue/Non-verbal Communication adds personality to the story. I’m intrigued by how the characters talk, think, and interact.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
0 scores
  1. Descriptions are vivid and detailed. Whether the world is real or imaginary, it feels like I’m really there.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
0 scores
2

I think this story does a wonderful job of establishing the setting, who the main character is, and an overall mood! I liked how you described why Alan was there to begin with as well. I think when I was about halfway through, I was ready for the story “hook” or to feel sucked into the plot. I think towards the end, I was looking for that Shakespearian hook I saw in the logline. I was excited about the creepy manor house and discovering the manuscript, but the first 500 words didn’t draw me in with the same level of curiosity that the logline did. Overall, I found that the only out-of-place detail were the two paragraphs about the phone. I just thought that could be compressed into a line or two.

1 Like
3

The premise is a little niche, but cute.

This shouldn’t bug me, but I prefer the cheerful host over a cheerful host. The difference distances the reader from the story.

Nice image.

Yearslong or yearlong? A multi year prize is very generous, where does the prize money come from in a group the could barely maintain five people in the previous year?

Aside from a few small details that I pointed out, the story has a catchy rhythm and a few points of interest. Overall though, the piece doesn’t really give me much to go on with the first 500 words.

A few things to think about, why are the host and Alan different people? You might get more character development and trim some fat by having Alan do the announcment. The detailed instant coffee vs drip coffee fits his tone about phones. If they are the same person, what can you do to clarify that?

We’re just a little far from the action for this to really hook the reader. For a mystery, typically one would start with a body or the mystery and then flash backwards or sideways to work through the reveal. I need that big pipe organ moment soon.

If exectuted, it will be a fun book club type book.

Best wishes.

4

This is an interesting premise and will especially be of interest to fans of Shakespear.

The modern classroom / coffee shop setting is a juxtaposition to fantastical settings of Shakespears plays. I wonder if there could be some reference to actual shakespearian language, setting and plot line to tie it together? Perhaps a quote from Shakespear to begin with,? And then if there were some connection to a well known scenario, phrase or dialouge from Shakespear I think that would appeal to the reader who would be interested in this story premise.